San Francisco, CA – E-cig company Juul has decided to stop manufacturing their most popular flavor, Iocane, amid links to recent deaths.
Vaping products have been blamed for nearly 40 deaths in the U.S. over the last few months. As the CDC began to investigate, they noticed something fishy – Juul’s most popular flavor was “Iocane” which is among the more deadly poisons know to man.
As Dr. Robert Westley explained, “What you do not smell is iocane powder,” while holding a vile to the nose of a lab intern. “Iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid. Vaping iocane would, in most cases, lead to death.”
Despite warnings, some have taken to developing an immunity to iocane to continue the habit. One such hipster, Max Vizzini, insists he can do so by introducing it slowly into his system in small amounts. While his friends and family pleaded with Max that he would not survive doing this, he scoffed, “Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.”
Max, and others like him, will have to find a new source for iocane as Juul discontinues the flavor that has caused so much controversy. Juul CEO, K.C. Crosthwaite, would only comment that ties to iocane in vaping deaths were “inconceivable,” but that there was a “shortage of perfect vape companies in the world” and it would be a “pity” to waste theirs by being irresponsible.
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