United States - Recent polls revealed that Reformed Calvinists are actually so abrasive because they have unresolved envy for Arminians’ ability to choose to accept or reject God’s free gift of salvation and continue therein or apostacize.
Arminians had long assumed that their austere brothers in Christ were just angry because their theology was so difficult to explain. Indeed, it is difficult for the Arminian to even understand why sharing Calvinism would be important if everything is predestined, foreordained, foreknown by God and man has no choice. As it turns out, Calvinists have just been jealous all this time because they were predestined to be elect and had no say in the matter.
Many anonymous Calvinists admitted that they would never say such a thing out loud, but felt comfortable expressing their resentment in a poll. When asked why they were so intent on posting unkind comments on social media, most expressed a lack of understanding how a sovereign God could possibly give man free will. As one reformed bro explained: “God can do anything He wants, so He couldn’t possibly let us make decisions, too. Right?”
None of those polled declared that there would be any end to the misunderstanding. The vast majority claimed they would continue to not study Arminianism at all, so as to avoid being suckered into working out their own salvation with fear and trembling.
“The less we know about doctrines of free will and apostasy, the better,” one armchair theologian offered. “As long as we believe that we have no choice in our salvation and no chance of falling away, nothing bad can happen. Basically, if I think I stand, I don’t have to take heed lest I fall, you know? We will remain steadfast in assuming that Arminians are idiots who haven’t read the Bible and haven’t heard the basics of Calvinism regurgitated constantly.”