
PEARLS FOR SWINE
Thoughts and ramblings on the Church and Christian culture from a biblical perspective, along with a little satire to keep it fun.
Zuckerberg to "Beef Up" by "Eating" Sweet Baby Ray's
Palo Alto, California - Facebook founder and CEO, Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly planning to make weight for his big match against Twitter...
Report: Calvinists Just Jealous that Arminians Get to Choose
United States - Recent polls revealed that Reformed Calvinists are actually so abrasive because they have unresolved envy for Arminians’...
GenZ and the Church: An Interview with Josh Hall
Some conversations are so good, you just have to share them. As I was texting with my friend, Josh Hall of Beebe Nazarene Church, I...
Newsom Tweets CA State Address: "It's Bad, Guys"
Sacramento, CA - California governor, Gavin Newsom has taken to Twitter in lieu of offering his yearly gubernatorial address. The...
SNL Boldly Continues To Open Show Without Comedy
New York, NY - Late night variety show, “Saturday Night Live” made the bold decision to continue its moratorium on comedy by opening with...
7 Marriage-Revolutionizing Christmas Gift Ideas For Your Wife
Tired of disappointing your wife at Christmastime? Particularly with gifts? Well, Pearls for Swine has got your back! Here are seven...
Live-Action “Snow White” To Be Rebranded As “Person Of Unspecified Ethnicity”
Hollywood, CA - Disney’s first princess is getting the royal treatment with a new live-action adaptation. But the house of mouse is said...
7 Ways to Avoid Awkward Conversation at Thanksgiving
Dreading the painfully awkward and possibly politically charged “small talk” at the Thanksgiving table this year? So are we. But don’t...
Politicians Don’t Love You
I know, you really thought that the person you voted for represented your values well. He/she even had a remarkable, relatable story of...
Dems, GOP Clash Over What Kind Of Lego Building To Make
Washington, DC - In a shocking twist, Republican and Democrat senators are having a difficult time agreeing about what to do. This time...
New Afghan Government “Exclusively Inclusive”
Kabul - The Taliban recently unveiled its new government for Afghanistan. Insiders are saying it is “totally inclusive, like, exclusively...
Coffee Tables Banned For Stubbing People’s Toes
U.S. - Coffee tables are effectively banned in the United States as too many people’s toes have been violently attacked by them in recent...
The View From The Altar
When was the last time you looked at your church from your knees? There is a whole different perspective down there. You see, usually we...
Rep Ghomert Suggests Lassoing The Moon
Washington, D.C. - Representative Louie Ghomert (don’t worry, we’ve never heard of him either) spoke up in a congressional hearing for...
7 Church Camp Hacks
Church camp season is here and we at Pearls For Swine want to make sure you are prepared! Many camps were either closed or very different...
The Deconstruction Dilemma
The other day April made a wonderful lemon pie for our date night. It looked and smelled delicious, just as a pie should. But then...
Take It Slow, Joe!
I am, admittedly and unashamedly, a conservative. That, however, has nothing to do with why I am writing this. I am writing this because...
Joe Biden is My President
Before anyone gets too excited, rest assured, I haven’t changed my mind on things. Joe Biden is my president. Not because I voted for him...
Biden Promises To Release Hostages Dangling Over Boiling Lava If Batman Will Vote Blue
Gotham City, Probably NJ - Following an incident involving a vat of experimental blue goo, president elect Joe Biden has joined Gotham's...
























