Church camp season is here and we at Pearls For Swine want to make sure you are prepared! Many camps were either closed or very different last year due to the COVID19 pandemic. With that in mind, we have compiled the top seven hacks for going back to church camp.
Mountain Dew - If you plan to survive greuling hours in the hot sun, synthetic caffeination is the answer. Water may hydrate you and sports drinks provide electrolytes, but only the Dew can give you the energy you need to make it through the day. So don’t waste your time with “healthy” alternatives.
Axe Body Spray - Showers are for sissies. Just douse yourself in Axe and let nature take its course. Your friends will thank you. One can should be enough for the week, but bring an extra just in case.
One pair of clothes - Don’t bother packing multiple changes of clothing. They’re going to get dirty, and let’s be honest, you were going to leave them on the floor and never wear them again anyway. Just wear the one pair the whole time and never take them off. They’ll get washed on water day. Kind of.
Flip flops - No one actually needs shoes. Your feet need to breathe and your toes need to be exposed to bare concrete, asphalt, rocks, and stickers. You will become a stronger human being by the end of the week.
Spend All Your Snack Money Immediately - Don’t fall for the myth about camp food being gross. And don’t bother bringing your own snacks either. Just go to the snack shack and spend all your money on the first couple trips. It magically regenerates after you spend it all.
Stay Awake All Night - Sleeping is a chump’s game. Other campers will mess with you and your cabin is likely haunted. Just stay up and drink more Mountain Dew. If you get bored, just make flatulent sounds all night. Everyone will think you are hilarious. Especially at 3am.
Ignore All The Rules - Rules are made to be broken and are definitely not for your safety. So go ahead, run down the giant hill, climb on things, and absolutely sneak out of your cabin at night to mess with the normies who are trying to sleep. Camp directors just don’t want you to have fun.
We hope you have found this list helpful. Now enjoy your hacked church camp experience!