Ashes Of Randy Savage Reassemble To Tell Everyone To “Chill” And “Snap Into A Slim Jim”

Largo, FL - Macho Man Randy Savage’s ashes just spontaneously rematerialized into his ultimate form, sunglasses, fringed jacket, and all. Upon reassembly, he yelled out “Chill out people! Snap into a Slim Jim!”

  When asked how it was possible for him to reappear like this, he yelled out, “Expect the unexpected in the kingdom of madness! Oh yeah! Now you people need to calm down! I’ve been gone nine years and the whole world goes crazy? I’m back for three minutes. Three minutes of playtime!”

  Apparently, since he was cremated, and therefore unable to roll over in his grave, his molecules simply came back together in protest of the world’s craziness. Witnesses stared with their mouths wide open as he dispersed Slim Jims to everyone screaming, “Oh yeah!” 

  After delivering a flying elbow drop on someone who tried tried to touch him, he dematerialized back into ash. None of the onlookers could say where the Slim Jims came from for sure, but they all agreed they tasted like sweet nostalgia.

  Since the event, riots have stopped, racism has ended, and nature has begun to heal.