President Starts ‘Trump Youth’ Program To Prove He Is Not Literally Hitler

Washington, D.C. - Current President Donald J Trump has announced a new youth program called "Trump Youth" as what is being labeled a public relations initiative to change the "Trump is literally Hitler" narrative.

          In a press release live from the Oval Office, he declared, "At this time, I have chosen to focus on my legacy as the forty fifth President of the United States. We haven't given up the fight against Sleepy Joe and Crazy Kamala yet - and we won't. Make no mistake, we won't lose that fight. Listen, everybody knows this is a coup. Everyone. But, if, for some reason, I don't remain in office as the greatest president, probably ever, I want the people to remember me as a man who invested in the future of America."

          Trump's statement continued to go in a very political direction for quite a while, but he finally got to the point. "Allow me to introduce to you the first group of Trump Youth." The crowd applauded as a group of children approached the stage. "These children," he went on, "these children are the future of America. Through my administration and continuous charitable donations, the Trump Youth will be known as the greatest group of American patriots the world has ever seen."

          The POTUS proceeded to show a rousing film promoting the benefits of the Trump Youth program. A voice narrated, ""Future Americans will be more disciplined, fit and trim. A young American must be as swift as a greyhound, as tough as leather, and as hard as American steel." The children in the video appeared to be happy and there was absolutely no sign of any foul play, which is obviously something that could not be faked in a film.

          In other news, we here at Pearls for Swine are sad to announce that the president was caught in an accident involving an oil slick, in which his hair was turned slick and black and his upper lip smudged. In addition, his arm was minorly injured, leaving it in an upraised and straight position with his fingers outstretched. He is expected to have a full recovery soon.